MURDER MOST FOWL …

 

As in …

I will fill in the blank a bit later.

But Murder it was – of that I have no doubt.

Another innocent victim needlessly cut down and what have or what will the police do about it?

Absolutely nothing.

And yet, legions of cops appear on the annual Sunshine list.

So are we getting our monies worth?  I think not.

Now let me fill in the blank:

As in Most Crustaceans.

And to be more precise, I am speaking here of the premature demise of Mickey the Lobster.

Mickey was found in a box – alive – yesterday morning, in a parking lot in St. Catharines, Ontario.  Given that lobsters sell for between 10 and 11 dollars per pound, I suspect his loss was inadvertent.  But whether it was or not – really does not touch upon the crime to come.

From there he (or she) was trucked to the city’s Humane Society where some Wisenheimer, undertook to return Mickey to the sea … the Atlantic Ocean … some 1000 miles away.

But poor Mickey never got to make the trip home.  Indeed he died under mysterious circumstances sometime last night.

Quelle Surprise.

I know what happened and I suspect you do as well.

Once the Wisenheimer made his reckless promise; long time donors to the shelter began calling:

‘If you have enough money to send a lobster 1,000 miles to the sea, obviously you are no longer in need of mine”.

And then what about the cats and dogs that overpopulate our centres – would the money not be better spent on them and so on and so on.

I can see an emergency meeting going late into last night to come up with a plan to undo the damage.

The meeting would eventually come to an end with the Chair directing Wisenheimer to ‘do the right thing and get it done before the sun rises tomorrow’.

And he did.  No witnesses – no one to care about poor Mickey’

How went about doing his dastardly deed, does not even bear thinking about.

Unconfirmed reports state that several witnesses saw the body earlier today one reporting that it “was scarlet all over as if it had been badly burned”.

Another opined that it looked to them that the poor crustacean had succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning.

Of interest to us, none reported death by natural causes. 

I have another theory though, I suspect Wisenheimer will be having lobster dinner tonight.

As I see it …

‘K.D. Galagher’

Is it Big Joe or Grand Joe…

 

Who cares, you may say but the owners of the newest team in the Canadian Football League apparently do.

With their first game is scheduled for this coming July 18th, they have just this week announced the name of the team’s mascot … Big Joe Mufferaw.

Joe Mufferaw a.k.a. Joe Montferrand is Canada’s answer to America’s Paul Bunyan.  Both lumberjacks had super human reputations.

Montferrand was born in 1802 near Montreal but worked in the woods beside the Ottawa River, north of Ottawa.

Stompin Tom Connors brought the legend of Big Joe to millions of Canadians with his song called Big Joe Mufferaw.  It has become a classic.

‘Mufferaw’ was the anglicized pronunciation of Big Joe’s name and in that regard, the football team has taken flack for naming its mascot as such.

They quickly backpedalled and just announced that their new mascot will now be named Big Joe / Grand Joe.

Makes ones blood stir, n’est pas?

With all the problems around the world and here in  Canada, the controversy surrounding this name change is of course minor but nevertheless it does say something about us as a society.  We have become sooo politically correct.

When I hear Stompin Tom’s song, I always think of a very impressive Francophone – legend or not – and despite how his name is pronounced.

Can’t you just imagine being in the crowd and signing at the top of your lungs Stompin Tom’s ditty – the team could be losing – and as a new team probably will  – but what fun.

Sadly, this same cannot be said for a crowd calling out ‘Big Joe’ or ‘Grand Joe’.

We are all the poorer for this – French and English and all the rest.

As I see it…

‘K.D. Galagher’

 

THE WE KNOW-NOTH THINKS & WYNNE…

 

HAS FINALLY BLOWN IT.

The We Know-Noth Thinks are of course our current Premier Kathleen Wynne and her esteemed predecessor, the Honourable Dolton McGunity.

Both came out last week to announce … once again … just that .. we know noth-think.  This was in response to the OPP investigation that alleges emails in the Premiers’ Office were improperly destroyed between the period of February 6, and March 20, 2013. The report also alleges that the instigators, were none other than McGuinty’s chief of staff David Livingston and a hired techy … Peter Faist.

But McGuinty said last week that he knew absolutely nothing of this, as did Wynne, despite the fact that she became Leader of the Liberal Party on January 26, 2013 and was then sworn in as Premier on February 13, 2013.

And just today we learn that the above mentioned Peter Faist, was on the Liberal Government pay rolls and more recently on the Liberal Party rolls until --- are you ready, just this past weekend, when his services were unceremoniously terminated.

It begs one’s credulity to believe that either or both principals knew noth-think as Sgt. Schultz would have appropriately said. 

And we cannot even say that this was an isolated event – indeed the number of scams, missteps and out right wastages of money committed by Ontario’s Liberal Government goes back over its 10 years in office and for every one of them – Wynne was front and centre in the Legislature.  There are simply too many such boondoggles to list, but even if I did, the fact that anyone would not be up to speed on most of them defies the imagination.

So that’s the We Know Noth-Thinks part of this Blog.

The other Aspect is, I believe, even more important.

Premier Wynne has given Tory Leader, Tim Hudak, a gift.

She has threatened to sue him for libel and guess why, because Hudak had the temerity to say that she was likely aware of the email shenanigans going on in her and in her predecessor’s office.

Just Imagine.

What she has inadvertently done though is to ensure that this issue remains front and centre in the media and before the public until the next election.

Politicians are taught early on how to deal with the Media and one of the first lessons is to never repeat a negative thrown at them.

Permit me to give you an example.

If your opponent calls you a ‘dolt’ you do not reply be saying you are ‘not a dolt’ since that merely reinforces the negative word in the mind of the listener.

So in Wynne’s case, she issued a public letter threatening a law suit which restated, word for word - the words she found to be so libellous. 

Thank you again Ms. Wynne.

The classic example of this mistake of course was made by the late President Richard Nixon.  He was being accused of being a ‘crook’ so what did he do?  He announced to millions that “I am not a crook” and from there on, anytime his name was mentioned – his own words came negatively to mind.

And even more damaging, with her law suit antics, Wynne has inadvertently propped up a heretofore lacklustre Tory Leader; Hudak now looks like a hero.  Only Wynne could do that.  From now on the guy will be known as the man who stood up to her mean-spirited threat.  And there is strength in that.

From all of this, I believe, Wynne has just inserted the final nail into her election coffin.

It will take the Dipper Leader – Andrea Horwath to decide when that is likely to occur. And she continues to be on record as saying she will not vote against the Grits until she is satisfied there is enough evidence against them to do so.

I bet there are alot of guys currently serving time who would loved to have had ‘impossible to convince Andrea Horwath’ on their Jury.

Or maybe, dear Kathleen will take a walk in the snow like so many before her?

As I see it…

‘K.D. Galagher’

 

PARSLEY.

We have company coming for dinner later today and Anne sent me out to buy some Parsley from the local Independent.

She encouraged me to make sure it was fresh. 

“No problem”, I replied.

So off I went.

I am a person who knows his limitations, so the first thing I did upon entering the store was to seek out the Green Grocer Guy… hereinafter referred to as the GG Guy.

I ask the nice man where I might find Parsley and he kindly walked me over to a bin.  He needlessly pointed out to me the sign directly above announcing naturally enough ‘Parsley’.  How convenient I thought.

I hurried home with my $1.29 purchase.

I gave the bunch of greenery to Anne whereupon she smelt it and pronounced it not to be Parsley. “This”, she said, “is Cilantro”.  “Cilantro has an odour whereas Parsley is odour free”  Who’d have thought.

But I was not to be awed by such a theory since of course I had the utmost faith in the GG Guy – “are you sure Anne”?  - she then produced a tag from the base of the greenery confirming the plant to be ‘Cilantro’.

“Galagher, don’t you know the difference between Parsley and Cilantro”?  And then she quickly corrected herself …”oh, I forgot, of course you don’t”.  (Having been married for over 40 years there obviously were a few things Anne had come to know about me). 

She went on, “but that does not excuse the GG Guy, one would have thought that he would have known the difference between the two”.

I told Anne that I would return to the store and confront the GG Guy on his ignorance and make sure this time he gave me the correct product – i.e. I would check the tag to ensure it was labelled Parsley.

Off I went.

When I got to the store, I was relieved to see the GG Guy still stocking produce.  I went up to him and smugly said, “do you recall me being here 20 minutes ago when you handed my a bunch of Parsley”?

“Yes I do” he said.

“Well dear sir what do you call this” – as I held out my now known to be bunch of Cilantro.

“Cilantro” he shot back.

“Well why did you give me Cilantro when I had asked for Parsley”?

“It was Parsley that I handed you”.

Oh Oh, I thought to myself.

“Was there both Cilantro and Parsley in that same bin”? I asked.

“Yes there was” he replied.

It then dawned on me, after the GG Guy handed me the bunch of greenery and had turned away, I had replaced it with what I thought to be a fresher bunch … as per Anne’s instructions.

In doing so, I had obviously picked up Cilantro instead of the sought after Parsley.

GG Guy had a good laugh at this whereupon he offered to go out back and fetch a really fresh batch… of Parsley that is.

When I got back home I handed Anne the new bunch which she proclaimed to be “Parsley and a most fresh bunch at that”.

If only Anne had sent me for Rutabagas, I could have easily distinguish them from turnips.

As I see it …

‘K. D. Galagher’